The Petty Shop

Welcome to our Petty Shop.We sell grievances and grudges galore.We've got knock-down prices on spiteand chagrin has hit the floor.Envy's always on sale and bitternessis half-off no matter what your business.Last week we did a blow-out on revengeand customers went on a spending binge.This week we're doing a special on pride,so don't be greedy, folks, don't be snide,30% off while supplies last —Take it easy there, not so fast.Step into The Petty Shop, grab yourselfa grab-bag, check out our bargain base-ment,and see what you can save on iniquity,compare our prices on human frailty,we beat the competition on imperfectionand petty vice is our special confection.Every day's a deal-day at The Petty Shop.It's a buyer's market. Can you hack it?Hell, no, that is no mean pitch or racket!Our policy is your displeasure: Non Caveat Emptor.Sure, bring along the wife, we wouldn't dare exempt her.No haggling necessary at any time.It's not like buying here’s a crime.Our shelves are always stocked and full,they even replenish themselves, and that's no bull.So, come on down and shop till you drop.We're open 24/7, we're the one-stop shop —(Was that a little bit over-the-top?)Look't, you spend it, then we'll vend it,we'll even leave the place unattended —we trust you that much, we know you'll pay your due,the petty always do, and always right on cue.