Dear Dad

You turned the hands of time too fast for me Couldn't you have let me pretend for just a little longer, Keep up the sham that you were the hero I'd idealized? You are a wolf hiding in plain sight, Invisible between promises of unconditional love I am brokenYou told me you loved me, But what did you love? I was a doll to dress and play pretend I could cook and clean and even dance on command, But there was nothing inside I was made of fine porcelain that you polished day after day with fine-tuned lies You're the only one who'd ever love me and you're the only one who'd ever care God, how naive a child can be when confronted with deceit disguised as love I was so lonelyI am full of hair line cracks You won't see them if you don't look hard enough, But you never really did You sanded down everything I am And everything I could really be with what you thought was best I am a caricature of a person I am functional and strong and smart But One day I might crumble altogetherI see beloved childhood memories through adult eyes Nights spent dancing and singing and laughing remembered so fondly, Held ferociously so that they don't wither away They are all I have and they are lies One day I will be able to tell myself the truthI was made for survival Bred to be the warrior to stand at your side I am riddled with guilt and shame for being too tired to fight any more of your battles I am worn down to the barest bone, Stark white and picked clean against a landscape of color I will never go to battle for you againI wear a glass face of your making, Splintered and ready to fracture But I will fit the pieces back together with my own hands With years of skill I learned all on my own I will paint myself a face I am happy to show the world And learn to be the person I have always wanted to be You cannot control meI might be broken I might be lonelyOne day I might crumble altogether But despite everything you’ve put me through, I am still standing One day I might be able to tell myself the truth, That I will never go to battle for you again, That you cannot control me Because I am my own I don’t need you I never really did Now I’m free