The Esthetic Apostle

August 2026

brother's big three

by

after Paul Tran

Sun in Capricorn

Water broke inthe mountain'shigh summit.Descended pastthe train loop,the firstbornarrived onthe flat SanJoaquin valleyfloor. A junior.Then one cityto anotherto a desert toa church inthe concretejungle. The sonbecame a mansitting. Thechurch flooredwith officersaiming. Hishands reachedfor his phone.Water thendesert then fire.A trainwreck.They firedfired fired. Thechurch becamea grave.

Moon in Gemini

He flirtedwith life.He movedaround,breathlesswith a need.His forte wasthe word.He tendedtowards theintellectualto detach asif it were alla story. Hedesired to fly.His denialof emotionbecamedefenseagainstcloseness.He had atendency tofidget if hestayed fortoo long.He tattooedforever youngon his rightbicep. Histime wasspent.

Rising in Sagittarius

This year a cakecould havethirty-eightcandles, asDecember getscloser, I dreamwhat wishesbrother might'vemade had hisphone numberstill led to hisvoice, the scruffof stubble againstthe mic, he'dsay, Rememberme? I'd justsob, I love you,he'd sigh, thenwe'd Facetime,I'd say, I do, sohe'd never askagain—and yetI wake everyBJ-less dayknowing theconstant askingwas the seekerin him—his wayto make sure I'dremember, sowhen it cametime to livewithout him, Iwould.