An Afternoon in the ER

A bounty of medical technology looms all around usimpotent as my motherwho looks up from the gurney through the swarm of doctors and nursesall needles and tubesscurrying about vainly trying to trick fateas her tired heart longs for sleep

the shuddering inevitability of hera cold businesslike fact as she lays thereeyes groping for answersshe seems so slight nowa little girl in her eightiesconfusedbegging for the breath no one could give her

It'll be okay I lied through my helplessnesswanting to rail at this quick finishat all the words I'd kept hidden for lateralways laterwords that will disappear with her

Her handfingers like the spindly legs of an insectcrawls along the sheet searching for my handwhich I surrender for the first time since I was sentenced to adulthood.

Her hand bony now, weak and chilled,but still with the touch that gave me breath.I hold hers and she holds minethe love breezing between our handssweeps through the pastas love canmy tiny hand in hers crossing the streetwalking to school or through tears to the doctor to mend my broken armwarm and safealways safe these memories we squeeze tightlypast now presentme grey but still her tot.

I kiss our knotted hands,the kiss the only truth I can utterand breathless nowher hand slips from minethe way it has to